This is part two of a three-part series so be sure to read all three parts or you will not get the full message.
In Part I, we talked about how parents aren’t the only ones responsible for how their children turn out, because children also affect how parents act. Parents usually think a lot about how they can shape their children – by picking their schools, friends, and activities etc., but kids don’t go around thinking, “I’m going to shape my parent.” Kids just act like themselves, and parents get to decide how they will respond. So, let’s consider how an energetic and active child could shape a calm, laid-back parent.
The parent could become strict and bossy to try to control the child. Or they might use guilt and shame to make the child behave. If the parent thinks their child is “too much” for them, they might even throw up their hands, give up, and stop trying, which could lead to neglecting the child without meaning to. But if the parent could say, “This is hard, but I’ll learn how to work with my child’s energy,” then the child helps the parent grow and change for the better.
When parents respond to their children, they are choosing what kind of parent to be. A parent who doesn’t like arguments might learn to be firmer if their child is very strong-willed. And a parent who isn’t very gentle might learn to be more caring if their child is sensitive.
So, parents stay aware. Don’t just fall into a parenting style that might not be good for your child simply because it is comfortable for you, because ultimately, as I will explain in Part III, you are the responsible adult here. An effective parent becomes the kind of parent that their child needs, not just the kind that the parent wants to be.
Read Part III to learn more.