This is the third in a three-part series so be sure to read the first two parts or you will not get the full message.
In Parts I and II, I said that parents don’t shape a child all by themselves; children also shape how their parents raise them. Now, I add … parents still have the most responsibility – and the younger the child, the more responsibility the parent has.
Why?
Because parents are adults. They’re supposed to know how to make good choices. Kids, on the other hand, are still learning and don’t always know what’s best; so, parents and kids can’t be equally responsible.
Let’s go back to the example of a calm, laid-back parent and a high-energy child. This child may always be moving, talking, touching things. They may often break or take things apart out of curiosity. That can be really tiring and trying for a parent … but the parent has the power to choose how to respond; the child does not have the same power. Even if the child wanted to be calmer and behave better, they might not be able to. They simply might not have the skills, especially if they’re little.
That’s why more of the responsibility falls on the parent. The parent gets to decide how to handle things. If the parent becomes angry and strict all the time, they could hurt the child’s spirit or start a battle of wills (think teenagers). If the parent gives up and stops trying, the child might get into more serious trouble over time. But if the parent adjusts and works with the child’s energy, they could become a team – the parent could help guide the child without shutting the child down or setting off a rebellion.
The best part about being an adult is that adults have power and choices. Adults have access to money, people, information, and help that kids do not have. So yes! The parent shapes the child and the child shapes the parent, but the parent is the responsible adult.